WHAT WOMEN WANT... WHAT MEN WANT...

RELATIONSHIPS...

For some reason, I'm asked often about my opinion on people's relationships or why men (or women) do certain things. I, by no means, am an expert in the subject, but I'm very pleased to chat with folks about it.

This is where a lot of my friends are at...

The Girls:
- They feel like the boys don't have any guts anymore to ask a girl out. The boys will flirt with them all day (and night), but when it comes to asking them out on a date... dream on (more on that later).
- From this flirtation (mentioned above), these girls also seem to feel like they're getting mixed signals from the boys. Do they like them or not?

The Boys:
- They're continually looking for bigger and better in the girl department, not wanting to settle down until they get dragged down. They feel like if they DO ask a girl out, then all of their friends will expect them to get married (yes; it sounds crazy, but it's a true feeling) OR they fear they'll lose all of their mutual friends if the relationship doesn't work out.

Both boys and girls also think that 'all the good ones are taken already' or 'those that are left are not in the same spiritual place as them' or even 'damaged goods'.

HERE ARE A FEW ANSWERS:
Girls - If a guy likes you, HE WILL PURSUE YOU... eventually. If he doesn't pursue you... he's just not that into you. Don't feel bad. You probably wouldn't want him anyway. DON'T PURSUE HIM! Important!!! Do the exact opposite of this desire to win him over with kind words and good back massages. Don't give him your heart easily. Guys don't like that anyway. We're predators and love to stalk our prey (wait... that doesn't sounds good). You hear that all the time, but IT'S TRUE! If a girl gives herself freely over to the guy, he's gonna stomp all over her. Treat yourselves and your heart like a very valuable possession and guys will see that and take note. Trust me, you'll be better off in the long run if you only give them an inch when they want a foot. Heck, don't give them anything at all. Keep'em whipped.

Guys - I know that we're told that we are at a new age, a new era - where the women pay for their own meals, they have great jobs and can afford to, but DON'T LET THEM. Tell'em they can buy dessert or pay tip (if they really want to get financially involved in a date). Also, make decisions before you go on the date, not while you are on it. You drive. Don't let her. Open the door for her... always. Treat her like a princess. Don't be scared to ask her out. If it doesn't work out, yet you still treat her well, then you may have a chance with her friends. :) No, but seriously. Girls talk... A LOT... and they share the good things (and bad) guys did for them. So be a good guy and you'll be well received... most of the time. Oh yes, and don't lead girls on. I'm bad about that. Make your intentions clear. If you wanna ask her on a date... CALL IT A DINNER DATE. If you want to go out for coffee and chat... CALL IT 'HANG OUT'. Girls get confused when you start saying it's one thing and it turns into another. Let them know from the start. Don't deceive them or they won't believe it when the next guy tries it. Also don't be afraid to pursue them for this 'hangin' out'. If you like what you hear, ask them on a date. That's how it works. Or just go straight to the date, if you dare. Take a chance on girls more often. You never know until you try. And you're not a failure if it doesn't work out.

Guys and gals.... there are still a lot of good ones out there. I meet great new people every day it seems. Maybe the market in your work place or church is not that appealing, it just means you need to get out more. Don't be scared. Everyone's doing it.

I've never really read any books on this subject, but these are just some of my thoughts that I hear brought up A LOT. I encourage you to add your comments, questions, or smart remarks.


~ Grubbs


P.S. - I'd love to do a speed dating thing, but with prearranged questions that are random and a bit off the wall. Maybe throw some other elements in to spice things up a bit. Could we pull something like that off?

THE GRAFFITI PROJECT

Several months ago, my good friend, Kevin Adamson, was asked to create a video for youth that would present the "good news" in a way that it had never been done before. Kevin being the creative genius that he is (recognizing it as a gift from God) decided he wanted to try storytelling through graffiti art. Amazing idea, I thought, but how can you use a canvas to hold the audience's attention for a 5 minute video. I helped him do some research on Christian graffiti artists... mainly through YouTube.com and we came across a group of guys known as the GG Crew (or Gospel Graffiti Crew). We then hit a couple of'em up on myspace, just to let'em know what we were thinking of doing. Fasm and Camer1 were both from the San Francisco area and seemed to be the guys we were looking for.

Kevin and I then had the crazy idea to add a DJ to the mix to drive the soundtrack of the piece. Fasm suggested DJ Promote (out of Texas) who spins for guys like Knowdaverbs. I checked out his myspace page, listened to a few of his tracks and was sold. Fasm also mentioned that he tags, too, (spray paints) so we would get a 2 for 1 deal with him.

Next we needed to find a storyteller. Again, Kevin suggested a great idea, "What about a spoken word artist?" [I could be wrong, maybe someone else at BGEA may have suggested that to him. I know that Larissa Miller, Tracy Eakes, Jeremy Hunt, Luke Mullen, Steve Van Dusen and others played a big role in the conception of this project, too.] I had seen spoken word artists around Charlotte on occasion, especially back when the TONIC club was still around, but I only had a couple of contacts that I knew would be good and who were believers, Lisa Koons and Matthew Thorne.

I really think that God intervened and layed Tavis Brunson out just for me. As I was processing the job ahead, I took a break one evening and decided to visit Charlotte ONE (a young adult & Christian singles group) that meets on Tuesday nights in uptown Charlotte. It just so happens that this guy, Tavis is up on the stage doing a great spoken word piece from the perspective of the Archangel, Michael. It was AMAZING! I knew he would be our man, even though Lisa and Matthew were both awesome. It took several weeks to get a hold of him though, his cell phone and email both weren't reaching him. I finally got through to him on myspace, the day I was going to give up on using him.

We were initially thinking of defiling an old rail car for the video, but when that idea started to fall through Jeremy Hunt suggested asking the SouthTown Riders skate park and skate team about using their facility and skateboarding skillz as a nice backdrop. Unfortunately, the skateboarding was a bit distracting to the piece and we had to edit most of it out, but we are so appreciative to the SouthTown Riders for being so open to us and such awesome folks!


Anyway... all this to say that God interwove all of these artists and creative types together to make something beautiful that will hopefully effect generations to come. Here's the video we put together on nearly no budget with a lot of love and volunteer hours. I hope it blesses you. If it does, please pass it on. It made it to the front page of Billy Graham's website. You can link to it here:
http://www.billygraham.org/News_Article.asp?ArticleID=256

DREAMS: QUESTIONING MY INTEGRITY

I believe that dreams will sometimes shed light on our darkest parts. I constantly catch myself analyzing how I acted or reacted in dreams that I've had. Did I do the right thing? What does the way I responded tell me about my true character? This is up for debate, but I think that if we were uninhibited by certain life circumstances that what we do in our dreams we would also do in reality, if given the opportunity. For instance, let's say that you have a dream in which you see an old lady about to get hit by a bus. You run and push her out of the way just as you yourself get struck and instantly wake up. Does this mean that you have a heroic character or even one for martyrdom? I believe so. If you're destructive in your dream, then the same goes for your character. Now, of course, I realize that we're all given character traits that are both good and bad and that we use both, but what traits are truly dominant in our lives? I think dreams tell us.

I woke up from a dream this past week that revealed a very dark and hidden part of my character. I've tried to cover it up lately and done a fairly good job. 9 out of 10 people probably haven't noticed. Before I go any further though, let me tell you my dream. I wrote it down immediately after waking up. The friend of mine in the dream is a real person that has had some real struggles as of late. For that reason I won't reveal his name- nor have I told him about the dream. It really could be any of you though, boy or girl.

====================

Parking was limited, so I made my own parking spot on the damp grass, leaving my Xterra slightly creeping into what was a rather deep, yet empty water drainage ditch. I felt confident that if it were to slip down into the ditch, that I could be a 'real man' and drive it out (even without 4-wheel drive). And so, I rested comfortably on the edge.

I got out of my vehicle and went inside a very large, high ceilinged, Charleston-esq building bustling with energy from a ton of young guys playing pool and wrestling with each other, as guys do. Some girls were mixed in, too, chatting away in small clusters. It almost felt like a frat house. I made eye contact with a few familiar faces, but I kept to myself, as I've preferred to do lately. And so, I rested comfortably on the edge.

I walked around the place alone for a little while, listening and observing. I knew that I didn't really fit in or belong there, but it was nice to be welcomed by them anyway.

I didn't stay very long and I don't even know why I was there in the first place… but there was a reason. I left and walked out to my SUV. Now, as I was climbing inside I noticed a small group of guys huddled on the edge of the ditch just about five yards from passenger side tire. I sat up in my seat to get a better view of what was going on just beyond my dashboard.

There was a guy lying prostrate on the edge of the ditch, face in the grass. I instantly knew who it was, even without being able to see his face. He was a friend of mine. And by "friend" I mean, someone that I've hung out with on occasion, shared some experiences, and had a few light conversations about life with. He was still alive, I could tell, but it looked like the guys around him weren't there to help him. It was more likely that they the reason that he was in such a predicament. I noticed that there was some thick cable loosely wrapped around his body, as if he had been dragged out there.

While I was inside the "frat" building, I remembered hearing whispers about this friend of mine lying on the ground. Some folks were saying that he was a complete hypocrite and they rambled on about what awful things he had done lately. After recollecting all of these things, I almost didn't have any sympathy for the guy. And so, I rested comfortably on the edge.

I recognized one of the guys in the group, and was confused because I thought that he and my friend were good buddies. Another more brutish fella in the group noticed me and approached my passenger window. Without hesitation he reached in and helped himself to a video camera cable that I had left unpacked and resting on the seat. It came unwrapped in his hands as he asked me what it was for. "A video cable", I responded matter-of-factly. He dropped it just outside of the passenger car door and went back to join the others.

At this point, I was starting to get a little concerned about my friend. I really began to think that they may be intending to do more than just bully him around. I stepped out of my car, taking with me a pelican case (where the loose video cable should have been stored in the first place), and walked around the vehicle. I knelt down, picked up my camera cable and started properly winding it back up slowly and meticulously {over under, over under} as I closely monitored what the guys were doing to my friend. They didn't seem overly aggressive, but one unfamiliar guy seemed to have a sudden wild hair. They stood my friend up on his knees and said some things to him that I couldn't make out. Then the guy pulled out a knife....

I was almost done wrapping my cable. I wanted to finish and put it back in the case before I tried any foolish relief effort. And so, I rested comfortably on the edge.

Suddenly the guy started to cut my friend's throat. I had just finished and locked my case shut. Immediately I jumped up and yelled, "Stop!" and they froze and stared at me.

My friend now saw me for the first time. His eyes were delighted to see a familiar face, but were watering in pain as his throat started to gurgle blood. I cautiously, yet quickly approached the group. My friend stood up completely and said in my ear, "Let's get out of here". I agreed and we raced to my SUV. The group of guys were motionless and only watched as we rushed away. Then I woke up.

====================

A few questions entered my mind immediately:

Why didn't I act sooner on my friend's behalf? Did I feel like he was receiving a justifiable punishment for the things that he had done? Did I just not care? Was I just too busy making sure my cable was wrapped just right before I helped?

I DID care, but not enough until it was nearly too late. I was too preoccupied and enthralled with myself to be able to respond quickly to the rescue. Something as stupid as wrapping a cable correctly and putting it away before I jumped in to help. It may seem silly, but I'm beginning to see that type of attitude in myself. Someone in need for something immediately and I put them on my time schedule instead of when they really need it.

I've always tried to fashion myself to be a good friend and that's really what it has become... a fashion. I don't take the time to go out of my way for others any more unless I somehow benefit from it. I am becoming more interested in myself than in the lives of those around me. I find that very disappointing.

Now you might think that I'm being silly for beating myself up for a dream. But seriously, how often do you really examine your actions and your intentions behind them. I wish I could have been more responsive and a better friend in this circumstance. I wish I hadn't let what I had heard others say influence my desire to help a friend in need. I'm thankful it was just a dream this time. It may be the only warning I get.

I'd love to hear what you think, any interpretations or insights about anything at all. Am I crazy? Don't answer that.


- Grubbs


Listen to the lyrics of the Further Seems Forever song "Light Up Ahead" (currently on my profile when I wrote this). It just seems so appropriate and perfect for this blog. Everything I want to say or feel is nicely wrapped up in it . You can also find the cool animated music video for it HERE.

IN HESITATION...

Some of you have been asking me, "How was it?"

At first, my response is, "How was what?"

"You know..."

[ No I don't ]

...your trip- jumping freight trains and stuff. Did you do it?"

"Oh"

Yeah... so I haven't gone yet. Not only because I'm a royal slacker, but for a series of other delightful reasons. My good friend, Nick, had only a two-week window of time where he could travel with me, and that would've been difficult to maneuver. Especially if we don't know where we'll end up from day to day. I still plan on going, but probably not until next spring or early summer. Hopefully, I can sucker Nick or someone else to come along with me.. No girls though. I would feel horrible if something happen to them, but a guy... who cares. Only kidding, of course.

I did purchase a miniDV camera and paid as much for it as I did for an insurance policy that will protect it for 3 years against absolutely anything and everything... well, except theft, of course. I plan on putting that insurance policy to the test by jumping onto moving trains, through rains, great pains, and capturing images of the insane (I really just wanted to rhyme there, sorry, no jumping moving trains either =). [I also plan on taking the camera with me snowboarding at the end of this month and creating a tiny steadicam-like contraption and strapping it to my ski jacket. It should make for some fun footage.]

Once I'm riding the rail I plan on taking very little with me. This short list will include (among other things) the camera, some tape stock and my FedEx number to ship the tapes back to Charlotte. I may get someone to start editing the footage as I go along. Maybe even post it so you guys can see on YouTube or something. Otherwise, these tapes will simply be stockpiled for safekeeping until I return. If I return.

In further preparation for my journey I've started reading this book called, Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance (it's also called Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road in the breathy American pressing title). I'm really happy that I'm reading it before my "catching out" experience on freight trains. Donald Miller is simply an amazing author who tells it how he feels, not necessarily how it is- which from his Christian perspective is very interesting to read. He's writing about his travels with his buddy Paul as they go from Texas to the great Northwest in an old Volkswagen van. This book digs deep into the surface of so many things that I deal with and exfoliates them all in a way similar to that of casual coffee talk. He expresses his discontent with the way he has been looking at his own life and his relationship with God (and others) and is very humble and humbled in so many ways during their voyage. I'm sure a lot of people have probably read some of his other books like, Blue Like Jazz and Searching For God Knows What, but this one has been striking a real chord with me. This is the first book of his that I've read, and I'm sure I'll read more.

Anyway, so that's where I stand. I haven't been that adventurous yet, but I am still banking on it. I think I may even be able to pull a good documentary out from it, at least I'd like to.

If you have any helpful hints, recommendations for readings or for riding the rails [love alliteration], or anything, please let me know.




This week I celebrated my 8,500th blog view on myspace. That's crazy that people even read this crap. THANK YOU though. I hope to see you all around soon.

- Grubbs

IN PREPARATION...

I can't wait! I'm about to conquer one of my '100 Things To Do In Life' in the next month or so. I'm going to 'Catch-Out'. Don't know what that means? I should probably wait before I tell you. Why? Not only is it extremely dangerous, but also (some say) it's illegal. I'm starting to get old and I realize that if I don't get a 'jump on' doing things from my list soon I may lose my chances and live the rest of my life in regret.

For safety (and adventure), my friend, Nick, has opted to come along (if it works out with his schedule). It may be one of the scariest and most exciting things I've ever done. Here's another clue that helped inspire me at a young age to want to do this...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089385/

...also I read a lot of stories about these children.

I plan on not telling anyone that I'm leaving before I'm gone. I don't know if it'll take me two weeks or two months of adventure before I make it back home, we'll just have to see. That's if I l make it back home at all.

I'll be preparing by growing out my beard again (don't be scared and YES I know that it's summer!). I'll be doing a lot of reading and researching for articles like this one. I'll also be purchasing some well worn clothes from the local thrift shops.

I really can't wait. I pray that this trip will bring about some much needed change in my life.

I'm considering bringing a small video camera along to document the trip and maybe for a video diary, but we'll see if that happens or not.

Thanks for reading. More later.


- Grubbs

100 THINGS TO DO IN LIFE...

While in college I began making a list of 100 things to do before I die. My original list is in a journal that I can't seem to find at the moment. Here is a list of what I can remember. I'll add to it later. Doing this has helped me get more out of life and also helped me conquer a few fears. It has encouraged me to widen my horizons and set the limits of life where there are no borders. I've placed an "X" by the things I have already accomplished. Some day I hope they all will.



[x] 100 - Go to Austraila (accomplished 09/00)
[ ] 99 - Go to Ireland
[ ] 98 - Go to Scotland
[ ] 97 - Travel via jumping freight trains
[ ] 96 - Ride in a hot-aired balloon
[ ] 95 - Sky dive
[x] 94 - Bungee jump (accomplished Cairns, Australia 09/00)
[x] 93 - Make a cd of comedy music (accomplished 01/01)
[ ] 92 - Make a cd of worship music
[ ] 91 - Go back to New Zealand
[ ] 90 - Marry a girl that loves God (and me too)
[ ] 89 - Have a kid [adopt or conceive]
[ ] 88 - Write a seriously touching song
[x] 87 - Graduate college (accomplished 05/00)
[ ] 86 - Make a feature length movie
[ ] 85 - Hike the Appalachian Trail for a month with the girl I'd most like to marry.
[ ] 84 - Kayak in whitewater
[x] 83 - Run a half-marathon (accomplished 06/03?)
[ ] 82 - Start my own restaurant
[x] 81 - Start a record label (accomplished Aberdeen Records 05/03)
[ ] 80 - Invent something cool [useful or fun]
[ ] 79 - Share the love that I've found for God with others
[ ] 78 - Visit all 50 states. Still missing: Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, Minnesota, North Dakota<
[ ] 77 - Go ice fishing in style
[ ] 76 - Learn to surf well

[ ] 75 - Go to Burning Man
[ ] 74 - Go on a cruise
[ ] 73 - Go to Cornerstone Festival
[ ] 72 - Return to Australia. Visit Tazmania, Perth, and the west coast, maybe Ayers Rock.

MY BROTHER SNAPS!

My little brother Nate (currently living out in Portland, Oregon) left this Monday (December 11th) to go off to Uganda and Sudan. He's traveling out of his own pocket to help an aid organization called Lahash International. Below you can read more about Lahash International, but what I really want you all (my friends) to do is help cover him with prayer and support. Here's what you can do...

He is going over there mainly as a volunteer photographer, to capture and share with the world a glimpse of what life is like for those who have been orphaned, widowed, or directly affected by AIDS or war. Not only that, but he's doing this on his own free will AND out of his own pocket.

It's a real blessing for me to see my brother doing something with so much heart and at such a great risk. I want to overwhelm him with the same sort of kindness and compassion he is demonstrating now.

He has not asked me to write this and usually shys away from any real publicity, but the kid is truly gifted at taking pictures and just about everything else he does. I would love (if you are interested) for you to partner with Nate in his gift giving. If you go to his website: www.nategrubbs.com you'll see many of his photographs (some that have won national competitions and been published in magazines). Pick one (or some) of those -OR- wait 'til he gets back and updates his site with 10-20 pictures from his trip. Either way, let's surprise him NOW and send him the money for it so when he comes back he'll be both surprised and blessed. I just bought two from him.

It's easy just to send the money via Paypal.com with a note that you'd like a picture (or two) from his trip or from his other pictures. Once he gets back and posts the new ones, then email him which you'd like.

If you're sending money to him via Paypal.com, then send it to: nategrubbs@hotmail.com

If you're writing him an email for correspondence, then send that to: nate@nategrubbs.com

If you want to just send him a check, send it to:

Nate Grubbs
4720 NE Prescott St.
Portland, OR 97218



Here's what he'd like to offer in exchange for your support...

For $125

One (1) hand-printed archival Ilford B&W print or (if a color image)
a museum-quality archival ink-jet print matted and framed to
16x20 size. (This is a half-price deal from his standard costs!)
$100 for unframed piece.

For $50

One (1) Fuji Crystal Archive paper print (this paper lasts 60-70 years
before any noticeable fade).

Thank you all. You can read a play-by-play of what the group he is with is doing now in their blog at: www.hopeisalive.com You can also find this and more information on Nate's website at: http://www.nategrubbs.com/africa.html



ABOUT LAHASH INTERNATIONAL

"Lahash International was created to encourage grassroots movements of compassion providing relief for those in desperate situations in East Africa.

Currently we focus on the orphans, widows, and families that have been devastated by war and the AIDS pandemic. We aim to provide basic care for each person in a relational loving manner - with the goal of encouraging practical methods for overcoming the poverty and despair that many find themselves in. We currently partner exclusively with East African self-help organizations. This enables very direct, practical, and caring distribution of assistance.

Our goal is to enable multiple bridges between communities in the United States with communities in East Africa. These bridges will be built by letters, emails, pictures, phone conversations, and video.
We serve those in need — regardless of a person's religion, race, ethnicity, or gender."